Yesterday I awoke like I always do, with anticipation and a bit of excitement of what the day will bring. I had several bids out for jobs and felt very good about them, “things are beginning to turn,” I said. Did my usual morning thing a started the day. Phone calls, mail check, emails, blogs…

 

 

I felt a very tight knot building in my stomach as I went through my list of calls to make. Two of the projects I was so excited about had been turned down. Once again, to expensive. I thought to myself, it sure would be nice to tell my Doctor, that’s too expensive, lets negotiate.

 

 

 

Or at the grocery store, telling the manager my budget only allows me to spend $2.00 on a gallon of milk, not $3.50. Or how about, hey I only can pay $25.00 for my tank of gas! No, that is not going to happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tried to shrug it off and move on to my next line of duties for the day. After all I haven’t heard for everyone yet and there has been much traffic through the gallery…

 

As I was going through the mail, the normal bills that come in every month, opening them and letting God know I had to lean on Him for I did not know how I would manage this month. I remembered that it seems He gets us through every month. I had to walk tiny steps. My faith had not been completely in Him, I was continually counting on myself; I had always made a way and provided. But more now than ever, I had no answers, He is the answer, He has been telling me this all along. I may need an ear cleaning.

There were two extra bills this time. My medical insurance, which had changed and went up every year, was going to do it again. I could keep my present coverage for this extra amount or change to another plan, once again with higher deductibles and paying a higher percentage of the bills. I am barely able to pay for what I have and I am paying monthly payments on medical bills too! What do they want from me? Just don’t get sick!

The other was insurance for my business, the one that hasn’t had much business this year, it was going up too.

 

Emails were full of junk and ads, some encouraging words from friends, all and all uneventful and I was thankful. I checked my blogs, no comments, again. I stopped for a bit  to reflect for a moment and decided I needed a nap. Perhaps I could make sense of all this when I woke up refreshed.

It didn’t. It made no more sense than it did before. I came downstairs and the clean kitchen that I had left, as I must do everyday because my mother in law can’t see the mess she is making and no one seems to care that the dishwasher is full so START IT! Anyway, sorry about that, I began to clean, again. And when I do I begin to complain…

“Does anyone in this house realize that we run the dishwasher and washer and dryer almost everyday? Why is that? I am never here and I do 2 loads on one day a week! Does anyone realize how much the electric bill is every month, well maybe you will when the lights are cut off because it can’t be paid!”

“Why is this freezer food in the refrigerator? You were going to cook it, oh; it’s been there for four days! No it’s not good, smell it. Why do you cook so much rice and potatoes if no one wants to eat leftovers? That’s probably $10 or more we have to throw out! And we do this every week! We could probably buy a whole months worth of groceries with what gets wasted around here!”

“I can’t watch every move and I hate complaining all the time! I guess as long as everything seems okay everyone is ha

ppy! I can’t do this anymore, has anyone noticed that I am not getting work? I fill you in on what is going on but no one hears me! Why can’t anyone get it!! I KNOW, WHY DON’T YOU TRY TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING AROUND HERE AND I’LL JUST…never mind!”

I storm up to my room, close the door and go to sleep. Yes, it will be better in the morning.

Oh yes, morning comes and it’s CBS day! Christian Bible Study. I am not really as excited as I normally am on this day, but I just know God is going to give me some meat today! Quietly I get ready, I am so sorry for all my complaining ranting and raving last night. Maybe if I am quiet, no one will hear me leave and I will make a clean escape!

 

I pray, “God I so need You. I know you are watching every move I make. I am so sorry for the way I acted last night. Once again I reacted to the circumstances in a way not pleasing to You. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I am doing! Everything seems to be crazy anymore and I don’t know how to totally depend on You. But I know You are here, and I know You hear me and feel me. I love You Jesus. Just be here please. Jesus, You there?”

 

 

As I drive the 15 miles to my study I am softly saying Jesus, I know You are here, Jesus hold me, Jesus, Jesus…

 

 

 

 

I decide to turn the radio to the Christian station, the song “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin is on. I listen and pray. I turn it off after that song and sit for a moment before going in.

Small lecture, then off to class. I so enjoy these study classes with these ladies. The beautiful lady beside me visits for a moment. We have gotten to know each other over the past couple of weeks. She has seen my artwork and has decided I am the one to paint a very special painting for her. Hands me the photo, describes to me what see wants, and inside I am jumping up and down. Thank You God thank You.

We finish the study, and off to the final lecture. It’s about Noah, the ark, and the circumstances. Melissa Lee, the associate teaching leader was filling in, and Wow, did God use her that morning. I always sit very close to the front, I am so easily distracted, and so I sit where all I can see is the teacher and what is in front of me, which is mostly the teacher!

Did you know…Noah preached while he was building the ark for 120 years and still no one would listen to him? How much faith in something he had never seen, rain, and in God, must it have taken to complete that task God had for him! Noah just believed and was willing to do whatever it took!

Are we listening, am I? Am I willing to do whatever it takes? Are you? Do we have the kind a faith Noah had?

How do we react when we are waiting?

Did you know…It was 7 days until the rains came and the springs came forth to cover the earth? After Noah, his family and the animals and birds entered the ark and God closed the door, what do you think he must have heard? Those on the outside that didn’t believe, would not listen, and would not repent, what they must have said and did while Noah was sitting there waiting. And still Noah believed and reacted like a man of faith.

How do we act, what do we do when God brings us through a storm?

Did you know…The very first thing Noah did when he came out of the ark was build an alter for sacrifice to the Lord. Noah went to the Lord in thanksgiving, He worshiped God! That is the first thing he did! What is the first thing I did when I got through that last storm?…

God keeps His promises!

Melissa then shared a personial story about how God met her right where she was at dealing with a very difficult circumstance in her life. She told us about how she loved this certain Christian singer and his songs and that her husband downloaded the cd’s on her ipod so she could listen to them softly playing in the background while going thru…

She told us of this moment when she was watching TV and went to change the channel when it went to snow. Trying to change the channel did nothing. Then all of a sudden she heard this:

When they checked the ipod, it was not even turned on…

As I sat there in awe and listened, again to this song, tears began to stream down my face. I thought of how I acted the night before, how I was acting in my waiting and my going thru. I began to confess my lack of faith and dependence on myself. The anxiousness I had in my circumstances instead of faith that He was there and will bring me through it. That once again I allowed the world into my heart instead of keeping God first and foremost in my heart.

I realized God was talking right to me. He was so close to me and He understood and knew everything. He even knew how it was going to be. The most awesome almighty God of all, was whispering to me.

“I am right here. I always am. Lean on Me. Come to Me. Talk to me. Ask Me. Stay with Me.”

Thank You God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. I Worship You.

 

Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you how the rest of the day went…

Tagged as: carla schuchman, Carley, common sense, faith, feelings, frustration, God, heart, hope, inspiration, Jesus, journal, love, mouth, Noah, peace, renew, repent